


Everyone Has a Crush on Mr. Kuryakin

by Theshiphassailed



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015), The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Dorks in Love, First Dates, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Teachers AU, illya can't flirt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4855262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theshiphassailed/pseuds/Theshiphassailed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on: "We’re both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from students and you’ve won for the past three years’ AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everyone Has a Crush on Mr. Kuryakin

**Author's Note:**

> Look who's finally writing after such a long time. Also this fic is (vaguely) inspired by my constant headcanoning with pixiegrl on tumblr.

It was finally the last day of school and Napoleon was surprisingly not happy. He dug through his desk drawer as he kept an eye on his students taking their American History final. He saw one of his more dull students staring at their paper with complete confusion and his other students didn’t look much more confident. He was really hoping he didn’t have to fail anyone; he always feels terrible when he does that. In his drawer, he pulled out the gifts he received from various students during this school year. He counted the items for a grand total of 19 gifts. That won’t be enough. At the end of every year Napoleon meets up with his coworker and friend, Illya Kuryakin, to see who got more gifts throughout the year. Napoleon loses every time. He really can’t blame students for giving Illya gifts. In fact, if he was a teenager with Illya as his teacher he would do anything to get his attention. Napoleon knew that lots of students had crushes for Illya, or Mr. Kuryakin to them, but he didn’t see why students didn’t give him more gifts. Napoleon knew he was good looking and smart, but students never seemed to like him as much as they liked Illya. Napoleon accepted defeat and mentally prepared himself for Illya’s gloating.

Illya was very excited for the last day of school. He made his students take their final a week earlier so they wouldn’t sit in testing all day long. They were talking to each other about their plans for the summer and looked like they were having a good time. He was excited because he would finally get to show cowboy his extensive collection of trinkets given to him by hormonal teenage girls who think painting his profile will make him abandon his morals and have sex with them. He would deny all the gifts if it wasn’t for the little competition he had with his fellow history teacher. It all started when a poor freshman couldn’t decide whether to take American history or European history. Being the European history teacher Illya had encouraged the boy to take his class, but the flamboyant and overall annoying US history teacher convinced him to take his class. They did become friends in the end, but they loved competing, and Illya loved winning even more. He was reminiscing on their first competition when his thoughts were interrupted. 

“Mr. Kuryakin, what are your plans for the summer?”  
“I’m not sure I have any, Lucy.”  
“I know what you could do,” another student, Abigail, chimed in, “Finally get a date.”  
See what he has to deal with?  
“Yeah, with that other teacher, you know, the one you never shut up about.”  
“As I have told you all many times, I do not have any feelings for Mr. Solo,” Illya said.  
“Then why do you grade papers in his classroom during your free period? I don’t think it’s because you need a review of American history.”  
“And you two are the only single teachers in the school.”  
“And you’re always talking to each other between classes.”  
“And you call him cowboy.”  
“That’s a nickname!” Illya said, “and it is no business of yours who I am dating.”  
“So you admit you’re dating him?”  
“No, and be quiet. They are taking their exams next door.”  
“Aw, he’s thinking of his boyfriend’s students.”  
“Am I going to give you all detention.”  
“You can’t give use detention it’s the last day of school.”  
They were right. He hated when the brought up Napoleon because, truth be told, he wasn’t sure how he felt about him. He just knew he didn’t want his students telling Mr. Solo something that wasn’t true.  
“Come on, Mr. Kuryakin, just do it.”  
Several students started chanting, “Do it! Do it! Do it!”  
Screw it.  
“If I say I’ll take him out for drinks will you all shut up?” Illya hissed.  
“Hmm… drinks can be a friendly thing though.”  
“Then what do you want from me?” Illya pleaded.  
“I think drinks counts if you flirt with him.”  
“I am not flirting with him.”  
“Use one of those dumb pick-up lines. Ask him if he has a map because you keep getting lost in his eyes.”  
“No.”  
“We’ll only stop if you say yes.”  
Illya considered it. He could say yes and not do it, but he was a man of his word. He was tired of this and really just wanted to go brag to Napoleon. Alright, he could do this.  
“Fine. I’ll do it.”  
The class cheered and suddenly Illya regretted his decision.  
A few minutes later, his class left and it was finally the end of the day. Napoleon strutted into his classroom and placed the bag of gifts on his desk.  
“I know you’ll have more,” Napoleon stated.  
“How many?”  
“19.”  
“That is weak, cowboy. I have 36.”  
“36! That’s even more than last year!”?  
“What can I say? The children love me.”  
“Clearly. Looks like I lose again.”  
Illya remembered his promise to his students. “Do you have any plans tonight, cowboy?”  
“Can’t say that I do, peril. Why?”  
“Do you want to go get something to drink?”  
“Sure, peril. We can celebrate finally being free from the children.”  
“Yeah, sure. I’ll meet you at the bar on First at 7. Okay?”  
“See you then, peril.”

 

Illya was anxious. He was usually relaxed before his dates, not that this was a date. Although, he supposed it was, or at least supposed to be. He certainly dressed up nicer than he usually does. He was wearing a button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and his nice jeans. He checked his appearance once again to make sure his hair looked okay, and looked around the bar for Napoleon. He was early, and Napoleon was usually late for these sorts of things. He arrived a few minutes later.  
“Hello, cowboy.”  
“You didn’t get drinks for us already?”  
Oh, right. Illya new he was forgetting something.  
“I’m just kidding. I’ll go get them,” Napoleon said and left.  
A moment later, he returned with two beers. Illya struggled to remember his students’ tips for dating. Step one: small talk.  
“So how do you think your students did on their exam?”  
Napoleon laughed. “I’m afraid they didn’t look very confident.”  
“They never do.”  
“Remind me again why we got jobs where we have to work with teenagers every day?”  
Illya shrugged, and an awkward silence fell on the pair. Step two: flirt. That seemed like a big jump to Illya, but he had no doubt that his students were better at this than he was.  
“Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes,” Illya said with as much confidence as he could muster. That was really stupid.  
Napoleon chuckled. “No I don’t have a map with me, peril.”  
He clearly didn’t understand that Illya was flirting. He’d have to try again.  
“Did it hurt when you feel from heaven? Because you are like an angel.”  
“Yeah, it did hurt a bit.”  
How could Napoleon still not understand? He was using his usually sarcasm instead of blushing like Illya wanted. He abandoned these stupid pick-up lines and went for something more obvious.  
“You are like the stars, my cowboy, so unreachable, yet so beautiful.”  
Napoleon blushed. Finally.  
“Uh-umm, thanks Illya.”  
Neither of them talked for a few minutes.  
“Is this a date?” Napoleon asked suddenly.  
“I think so. If you want it to be.”  
“I do, peril. I’d like that,” Napoleon stated. “I bet it would make your students happy.”  
“You know about that?”  
“It’d be hard not to. And I know why you always get more gifts.”  
“Why?”  
“Because you’re hot as hell.”  
Illya raised an eyebrow.  
“Seriously. Gorgeous, handsome, tall, foreign. You’re the whole package.”  
“I am?”  
“Yeah. It makes everyone around you want to climb you like a tree.”  
“Well maybe you can try that later, cowboy.”  
“Hmm, I’d like that. What would your students say about this?”  
“I think they would tell me to kiss you.”  
“I have to agree.”  
On the first day of school, Mr. Kuryakin’s ex-students were very pleased to see that he finally got a date.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr for more garbage at peggycarterness.tumblr.com


End file.
